I knew foster care was hard, never dreamed it would have the challenges it brings. Just for instance, did you know that some folks don't even get the financial assistance that is needed immediately? Paperwork can be so daunting. They come out of pocket for many early expenses, and depend on the generosity of friends and family for donations of material items such as cribs, clothes, or play items. And don't get me started on diapers and formula. Foster care just never did happen for us. Honestly, I was grateful.
The amount of "baggage" that comes with a lot of these children is heartbreaking. Just the knowledge that so many little people have already lived a life that is just a nightmare for even a grown adult....it is mind boggling. And the ramifications of that life can translate to outbursts of all kinds. I already had a knowledge of this from working at the Children's Clinic. The stories would horrify you. Foster care just never did happen for us. Honestly, I was grateful.
I have a daughter and son in law that have such a desire and a heart for foster/adoptive care. They jumped in with both feet with twin infant boys for their first placement. woooo!! I can't even imagine. Newly married. No kids. Suddenly infant twins!! lol! Even in the midst of those two, and all the little health issues they had, they took in even another little kiddo in need. Their hearts are so big! Foster care just never did happen for us. Honestly, I was grateful.
By now you are probably wondering why I keep saying I was grateful. And I am sure my daughter is cringing thinking...um mom...you are not helping. I say that because it is really one of the reasons that so many do not jump in to foster care...."I know I will be too attached". But I honestly don't have a good reason to not have done it. I am so thankful that Kenni did not listen/learn from us. I am so thankful that it became a part of her heart to do this. And if nothing else, I pray God helped me to raise her in a way that she chose to do this.
I find foster care different from having your own kids in this regard. You prepare for your own kids. They come from you, so they aren't usually coming with baggage. Foster kids are usually very unexpected and could come with all kinds of stressors. Healthcare issues lead to dr visits. Trauma issues come with a lot of anger and behavioral issues. Both of these come with possible time away from work needs for the parents. Otherwise, treat them like your own. Take them on vacation. Go to starbucks. Go visit Mimi. ;) Celebrate them in all the ways you would your own.
There are so many ways to help! If you do not feel led to actually bring children into your home, these are things that also count for foster/adoptive care. And are very much needed. Shamefully, these are things I have not thought of until watching Kenni and Blake. Here is a list I have come up with:
1. You like to cook? Make them dinner (maybe watch the kids for 5 minutes so they can eat it)
2. Offer to babysit for them so they can take a night out. If you have teenagers, teach them how to give by donating their time.
3. Clean! Anything! The dishes! A bathroom! Sweep! This would be a perfect ministry for a church to take on.
4. Help carry kids into church. You strong men walking in. Hold the door open.
5. Offer to come sit so they can take a nap
6. Listen! If they need to just talk. Truly listen to them.
7. Don't get offended if they can't participate in all the things they used to. Make them still feel like they belong. Help adapt your group to fit their needs once in a while. Do you hear me "care groups", "Sunday school groups", "home groups"?
8. Guys! Go sit with (and help) dad so mom can have a girls night. Girls! Go sit with mom so dad can have a guys night out. Maybe bring a latte. Again, churches!
9. And for the love of everything. If your ministry or group (if it is not in a church setting) is run by someone that does foster/adoption care and they help coordinate these things for your foster/adoptive families...MAKE SURE THEY GET TO PARTICIPATE!
10. Pray for them! And maybe send an encouraging text when you do. A no reply needed text. And not in the middle of the night. "Hey you have been on my heart. I prayed for you this morning."
Grandparents!!! Treat them like they are your own! You will not regret it. I have been through tremendous sadness over kiddos I only get to see occasionally and I love them as if my daughter gave birth to them. I have gotten to buy them gifts and snacks. I have gotten hugs and snuggles. And I have gotten colds! lol! I would not trade one second of it. But you know what else! I have gotten the privilege of knowing that for that brief moment in time they were safe, they were healthy, and prayed for. And sometimes very badly singing to them to get them to go back to sleep. And now that our first has returned home..I have the joy of continued prayer for a life that will blossom and will continue to improve. Grandparents! Treat them like your own! Well only if you are a good Mimi and Papa that is. haha! I didn't sign up for this, and my heart feels like it will explode with sadness sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way. They are making me a better person.
Well this post didn't go anywhere I thought it would go when I started. However, I am not really sure where I thought it was going. God calls us to help. He doesn't call us to be cozy about it. Kenni/Blake ignore this part. Sometimes I drive to Nashville when it may not be convenient, or I am tired. Sometimes I drag my sister into it too. lol! But I try to do #'s 1-10 as often as I can...even from over 200 miles away. Because it is what I am called to do. These kiddos deserve so much better than what they have been given in life before they get to you.
So there ya go! Be good Mimi's! That is all! And if Mimi lives out of town, go step in for her. And help!
