Foster care from a Mimi's perspective

 

Ya know, over the years I wanted to do foster care. I would beg Kenny to do it.  It wasn't that he was opposed to it, it just never worked out with the classes, etc.  I mean I probably could have tried harder to figure that part out, but it just seemed like an obstacle. I knew others that did and I did a meal here or there for them, but it just never did happen for us.  Honestly, I was grateful.

I knew foster care was hard, never dreamed it would have the challenges it brings. Just for instance, did you know that some folks don't even get the financial assistance that is needed immediately? Paperwork can be so daunting. They come out of pocket for many early expenses, and depend on the generosity of friends and family for donations of material items such as cribs, clothes, or play items.  And don't get me started on diapers and formula. Foster care just never did happen for us.  Honestly, I was grateful.

The amount of "baggage" that comes with a lot of these children is heartbreaking.  Just the knowledge that so many little people have already lived a life that is just a nightmare for even a grown adult....it is mind boggling. And the ramifications of that life can translate to outbursts of all kinds. I already had a knowledge of this from working at the Children's Clinic. The stories would horrify you.  Foster care just never did happen for us.  Honestly, I was grateful.

I have a daughter and son in law that have such a desire and a heart for foster/adoptive care.  They jumped in with both feet with twin infant boys for their first placement. woooo!! I can't even imagine.  Newly married.  No kids.  Suddenly infant twins!! lol!  Even in the midst of those two, and all the little health issues they had, they took in even another little kiddo in need. Their hearts are so big!  Foster care just never did happen for us. Honestly, I was grateful.

By now you are probably wondering why I keep saying I was grateful.  And I am sure my daughter is cringing thinking...um mom...you are not helping.  I say that because it is really one of the reasons that so many do not jump in to foster care...."I know I will be too attached".  But I honestly don't have a good reason to not have done it. I am so thankful that Kenni did not listen/learn from us. I am so thankful that it became a part of her heart to do this.  And if nothing else, I pray God helped me to raise her in a way that she chose to do this.

I find foster care different from having your own kids in this regard.  You prepare for your own kids. They come from you, so they aren't usually coming with baggage.  Foster kids are usually very unexpected and could come with all kinds of stressors.  Healthcare issues lead to dr visits.  Trauma issues come with a lot of anger and behavioral issues. Both of these come with possible time away from work needs for the parents.  Otherwise, treat them like your own. Take them on vacation. Go to starbucks. Go visit Mimi. ;) Celebrate them in all the ways you would your own.

There are so many ways to help!  If you do not feel led to actually bring children into your home, these are things that also count for foster/adoptive care.  And are very much needed. Shamefully, these are things I have not thought of until watching Kenni and Blake.  Here is a list I have come up with:

1. You like to cook? Make them dinner (maybe watch the kids for 5 minutes so they can eat it)

2. Offer to babysit for them so they can take a night out. If you have teenagers, teach them how to give by donating their time.

3. Clean!  Anything!  The dishes! A bathroom! Sweep!  This would be a perfect ministry for a church to take on. 

4. Help carry kids into church. You strong men walking in. Hold the door open.

5. Offer to come sit so they can take a nap

6. Listen!  If they need to just talk.  Truly listen to them.

7. Don't get offended if they can't participate in all the things they used to. Make them still feel like they belong. Help adapt your group to fit their needs once in a while. Do you hear me "care groups", "Sunday school groups", "home groups"?

8. Guys! Go sit with (and help) dad so mom can have a girls night.  Girls! Go sit with mom so dad can have a guys night out. Maybe bring a latte.  Again, churches!

9. And for the love of everything.  If your ministry or group (if it is not in a church setting) is run by someone that does foster/adoption care and they help coordinate these things for your foster/adoptive families...MAKE SURE THEY GET TO PARTICIPATE!

10. Pray for them!  And maybe send an encouraging text when you do.  A no reply needed text.  And not in the middle of the night.  "Hey you have been on my heart. I prayed for you this morning."

Grandparents!!!  Treat them like they are your own!  You will not regret it.  I have been through tremendous sadness over kiddos I only get to see occasionally and I love them as if my daughter gave birth to them. I have gotten to buy them gifts and snacks. I have gotten hugs and snuggles. And I have gotten colds! lol!  I would not trade one second of it.  But you know what else! I have gotten the privilege of knowing that for that brief moment in time they were safe, they were healthy, and prayed for.  And sometimes very badly singing to them to get them to go back to sleep.  And now that our first has returned home..I have the joy of continued prayer for a life that will blossom and will continue to improve.  Grandparents!  Treat them like your own!  Well only if you are a good Mimi and Papa that is. haha!  I didn't sign up for this, and my heart feels like it will explode with sadness sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way.  They are making me a better person.

Well this post didn't go anywhere I thought it would go when I started.  However, I am not really sure where I thought it was going.  God calls us to help. He doesn't call us to be cozy about it.  Kenni/Blake ignore this part.  Sometimes I drive to Nashville when it may not be convenient, or I am tired. Sometimes I drag my sister into it too. lol!  But I try to do #'s 1-10 as often as I can...even from over 200 miles away.  Because it is what I am called to do.  These kiddos deserve so much better than what they have been given in life before they get to you.

So there ya go!  Be good Mimi's! That is all!  And if Mimi lives out of town, go step in for her. And help!

It isn't just about covid

I take xrays for a living.  In April, I will have been at my job for 25 years.  It blows people away that I have been there for so long.  I don't know why.  I kind of grew up in an age when that was to be expected and commended.  Longevity meant something.  Holy cow! I just realized that I am gonna be 50 this year and I have been taking xrays for half of my life.  lol!  Oh my stars!  lol!  Anyway...off to the reason for my post.

I am tired some days. Some days I am more tired than others. (I think part of it is because of my age. lol!)  Anyhoo!  We are two years into covid.  Two years.  I can honestly say that I am not tired because of covid.  Allow me to explain.  :)

Most people think of healthcare workers as nurses and doctors.  They are super important.  Life saving in fact.  Heroes even.  And in our area, with so much union talk, and how nurses are treated, you would honestly think they are the only people that work at our hospital.  Please be patient.  I am not a nurse/doctor hater.  Please continue to read my story.

I am one of many people that work at the hospital.  I even hate to begin to name the people that are involved in the care of one patient.  BUT!  Here I go.  Registration, respiratory, EVS (the folks that clean), lab, nutrition, ekg, radiology, transport, cna's, nurses, physicians, security, and just like that I am now drawing a blank. haha!

Did you know that radiology alone houses CT (computed tomography), NM (nuclear medicine), US (ultrasound), MRI (magnetic resonance imaging), and Diagnostic (plain film xrays).  There is also Specials (Interventional Radiology), but at our hospital they are not part of our department.  That is a lot of different specialties.  There is a minimum of a two year degree to do any of these (as far as I know).  We have a lot of schooling to do what we do. And a lot of math!  I hate math!  And science.  lol

Our hospital is an 815 bed hospital!  815!!  That is how many patients we can have! At the hospital!  Umm, the Emergency Room can hold 100 I believe.  Not sure if the 815 includes the 100 or not.  Either way.  That is a lot of patients.  On any given day there are 16 people working in just diagnostic xray.  (Right now that is a good day. lol)  If you divide 815 by 16 employees, that is a minimum of 50 patients per xray tech.  Nurses are busy.  They are short staffed in most areas.  Even up to 8 patients per nurse.  I am by no means comparing the two. (Well maybe I am a smidge.)  Anyway, we have a ton of patients!  A TON!!

Point of my story!  You know the first patient I ever xrayed, EVER, in the ER, as a first year student, was a little older woman who had reached over her stove and her little gown had caught on fire.  She was very badly burned.  I could not get that smell out of my nose.  I thought to myself..."I am not cut out for this".  I was in my mid 20's.  Oh my goodness.  I went home and cried.

Over time I went to work at the children's outpatient clinic at our hospital.  Oh man! That was the most rewarding part of my job that I ever had. Kids are amazing!  They handle pain and life long illness way better than adults.  Man I met some of the most precious humans.  One little boy had OI, osteogenesis imperfecta.  Oh he was precious, and so were his parents.  We saw him on multiple occasions.  But he was just brittle as can be.  One wrong move and we could break a bone so easily.  It was here, at the children's clinic, that I also learned the fine art of a "bone survey".  A bone survey is a series of images done on little ones who they mostly suspect have been abused.  (There is the rare occasion they do them for genetic disorders.)  This is my most proud yet most unsatisfying skill.  Oh I feel like I am pretty good at them but I despise that they exist.  Child abuse. It is an extremely ugly part of our society.  Eyes swollen shut, burns, bruises, and/or deformed body parts.  Oh I love those babies. I pray over them. I ask them where they live and tell them Aunt Neice will come take care of their abuser.  Don't worry. They are never old enough to tell me or to understand what I mean.  I would though.  I just talk to them.  I want them to feel loved, if even for the 30 minutes I have them.  I don't trust you when you come in with your child for that reason. I can't.  I am there for my patient.  I trust what their bones tell me.  Their bones tell the story.  They cry. I hold them.  (It is my consolation prize for making them take 20ish xrays.)  All the while wondering what horrors they have had to see at such a young age.  I love on them.  We see them. All of them.

Car accident, after construction accident, after fall accident.  Any trauma. You name it.  Traumas. We see all of them.  Shootings, stabbings, car accidents, fights, etc.  They are devastating.  A life cut short, or at the very least altered forever.  We see all of them.  I have had to xray a child that was shot (and died mind you and so did three others) and xray the shooter in the room next to them. I want you to understand that you are actually in the room with these patients. You do seem them take their last breath. You do it though.  It's what we do.  We see all of them.

I have had a patient with maggots crawling through their leg due to insufficient care from a wound.  Oh the smell.  Not good after lunch.  :(  You do it though. 

On one particular work day, there was a patient recently diagnosed with lung cancer, with sudden onset of difficulty breathing, and turns out fluid had filled one lung.  They were terrified.  Another young patient was so badly injured they wished for death.  Their injuries were from a car wreck that occurred well over a month ago. They didn't want to live anymore. They had multiple injuries. Another with cancer that was just in a terrible amount of pain. They just pushed through and did the xrays, no matter how painful. I held their hand (all of them) and told them I was sorry.  That we would get them taken care of and help them.  I left work and sat in my car and cried.

I am not telling these things so you will say "awe poor thing", "oh goodness I'm so sorry", "oh you are...blah blah whatever".  I tell you this because there is so much more to what I do than covid.  But while we are on it. I (WE, everyone in my department) do covid too. ALL the covid.  We visit every covid room in the hospital.  I can look at your xray and tell if you have covid and covid pneumonia. However, they are a small portion of what I do.

In addition to those very few I mentioned above, we also check pacemakers, pneumonia, pneumothorax, any broken bone in your body, line placements, arthritis, tube placements, swallow studies, aspiration, more cancers, and a ton of different surgery cases.  Hey, guess what, I have only mentioned what happens in the diagnostic portion of radiology....and that isn't even the half of it.

Sometimes I look at an xray and my heart sinks.  I look up at the patient and smile.  (Well not that you can see it that much anymore with masks.)  "Thank you so much honey. Hope you get to feeling better."  You offer a "is there anything else I can do for you before I go".  And off you go...to the next patient.  To the next heart wrenching story.

So my point?  We were tired before covid...not because of covid.  We are tired of jerks that beat up kids, people that do drugs, cancer, flu, obesity, car accidents, occupational accidents, diabetes, strokes, homelessness...I can't even begin to continue the list of what I am tired of.

   

Pictures for self promotional purposes. ;) I hate to sound rude but I am tired of the "whoa as me I am a healthcare worker during covid".  This!  This is our job!  This is what we chose to do.  Times have been tough off and on for years. There is an ebb and flow in healthcare.  Has been for years.  And now all of healthcare is for profit. 

Healthcare is hard. This is not new territory.  End of story.  Just go hug all the healthcare people you know.  Not just nurses and doctors.  It truly takes us all to help you and to get you the care you need.  And not just because of covid.  But because cancer sucks and there are mean people in the world.  Some days are just harder than others.  Much love to all those that work in healthcare.