I can't believe it has been three years since Capt Bowen passed. I did not know Jeff. I had met him once or twice and he was very nice...but I did not know him.
Three years ago I was out of town helping at camp for the kids at church in Hickory. I work in the kitchen when we go and we are pretty busy with all of the meals. Our children's pastor had offered to buy us all Bojangles for lunch that day as a thank you and for all or our hard work. We sat down for a break, and to have lunch, so I popped on Facebook to catch up. I started seeing posts from friends all over town about a fire that was burning on Biltmore Avenue. Friends at the hospital could see it burning and posted pictures. WLOS was posting updates of firefighters injured. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I immediately started trying to call my husband...who I knew was working that day. And of course I couldn't reach him. I knew he was there...because I knew. The people at camp with me were asking if that was his district...and I told them it wasn't. It didn't matter. It was too big of a fire. He was there. I didn't know who to call. I called his mom...but of course they hadn't heard from him either. I became more and more anxious. I began to see more and more posts. The time is around 1:00.
While this was going on a little girl at camp needed to go to the clinic for what they thought was a bug bite. It was decided that I would need to take her. This poor girl. As we pulled out of camp I kept telling myself to hold it together, he is fine, don't cry. Oh man! That was not going to happen. I continued to try and reach Kenny on the phone (which I knew he wouldn't answer). I had to explain to the nurse and doctor at the clinic what was going on, so if I got a phone call I could step out of the room. More importantly so that they wouldn't think I was crazy...because I couldn't stop crying. I know that sounds dramatic but being out of town, and so far away, I just couldn't get my act together. The time is about 2:30.
I began to get phone calls from everyone asking if Kenny was okay...and I just sobbed. All I could say was...I don't know. And I truly did not know. My phone was dying. I plugged it in at every stop we made...clinic waiting room, patient room, car, pharmacy, car. I didn't want to miss a call. The time is 4:00.
We made our way back camp and still no phone call. I tried to call friends that work at the hospital but of course they couldn't tell me anything. This day seemed to go on forever. I had to get my act together for dinner. Still no phone call. The time is 5:00.
My daughters were at the camp with me and I did not want them to know what was going on so I plugged on through dinner and tried to keep my cap down low so they couldn't see my eyes. I could not concentrate to save my life....all I wanted was to talk to my husband. We are at 6:30 now.
I quit answering calls because they made me cry. By now I knew that a firefighter had died and another seriously injured. I just kept praying and crying. Finally I get a call from one of my dearest friends, Scott, he had just seen Kenny and wanted me to know. I hadn't talked to Scott. He didn't know that I hadn't heard from him...and that I didn't know if he was injured or worse. Scott knew I was out of town and wanted me to know that he had in deed seen (laid eyes on) Kenny and he was "okay". I sobbed. Thinking about it still makes me cry. It was the best phone call I have ever had.
It was at least another hour or so before I actually got to hear Kenny's voice on the other end of the line. I cried. He cried. That was a hard call.
However, all of this is nothing compared to what was going on at the same time back in Asheville. A lady I had never met before, Stacy, received a much different call. It was one with bad news about her husband, Jeff.
My husband came to camp the next day with all of the other parents to pick up their kids and see where they slept and have dinner. I ran! Literally ran down to meet the buses and into his arms. I was so thankful to God to have that opportunity. We stood in the middle of all of these parents, in a gravel parking lot, just holding each other. I have never seen him look the way he did. Defeated almost. So heavy. So burdened.
Jeff had many very close friends and a great family that love and miss him very much. The great thing about the fire department (I found out) is that you don't really have to know a person that well in a case like this...you just know. I did not grieve like his close friends and family grieved. There is no way that I could have. They have a huge hole in their life. I grieve for them. I wish that I had known him. You can tell he was a really great guy!
I think about this day a lot...mostly when Kenny is working obviously. It makes me remember that we aren't promised tomorrow. It makes me try to be better. Not go to bed mad. And certainly not go to work that way either. It makes me grateful when I should have been grateful already.
Be grateful! Tell your family that you love them! Spend time with the people that mean the most to you and who you mean something to. Laugh! Embrace every day!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Monday, December 9, 2013
Where is the "sync" button?
You know how you find a new song that you love and you go search for it on iTunes? I don't know about you but I usually find at least one more song to buy when I am on there. Well you download your song(s) and before you can eject...you need to sync your ipod. Or, if you get a new smartphone and need to update Facebook, it will ask you if you want to sync with existing contacts? Well...I wish there was a sync button in life.
Have you ever felt out of sync with life? Lately I have felt very out of sync. I have actually started this post a couple of times. Maybe I am just too out of sync to finish it. haha! Things have just felt "off". I have noticed though that there are a few things that have been able to help, and I feel like I have been able to start "syncing" again.
Here are the things I need to do before I eject my ipod. ;)
1) Worship. I can't say church, because I work there. (Don't mean that ugly...I just mean that sometimes I need to re-sync by being fed.) I mean worship on Sunday morning. I love to sing...I stink at it...but I do love it. It is my favorite part of worship service. I jokingly asked some friends I was sitting with today if the speakers were good in the area we were sitting. I needed to know if it was going to be loud enough for me to sing and make a joyful "noise" and be drowned out by the speaker. haha! I love the faster paced, clap your hands, get swept away type of music. Worship for me is a time when I feel closest to God. I am not super eloquent so to have someone write a beautiful song that says what I am feeling, touches me. I also love the lesson part of worship. I almost always feel like I learn something. I am not a passive listener...I am a note taker. When I am being disciplined, I use my notes during the week for devotional time. I like to use all of the scripture references, etc. This can also include prayer time. Pastor asked us just today to get on our knees and pray at the end of service. I have to say that is the most humbling position for me.
2) Family. When I spend time with my hubby and the girls...you know on the good days...it is definitely good medicine for me. haha! You know those days I am talking about, the kids aren't arguing over who gets to sit up front or who has to walk the dog, beds are made, rooms are clean, and we don't have anything to do that we don't want to do. Hubby is off work and we just goof off together. It seems that those days are so rare around here though. :( We have almost let life get too crazy in our family. However...there are steps in progress to remedy that. I'll save that for another day. Anyway, time with the 3 most important people in my life is always priceless.
I wish I could say that I have been able to spend time with the rest of my family too. They all live way too far away for my liking. A phone call or a text from one of them is priceless.
3) Friends. Time spent with people that love you for you...you just can't replace that. You know those friends that you can text random lyrics to...and they totally get it. Maybe take them a meal or they bring you one. Unexpected lunch on a random Tuesday. (Again with good music.) You can text or call at anytime and they are there to help with every ridiculous question you have. (Baking, vitamins, you name it) Camp with! Party with! (Not clubbing. Good clean fun party.) Eat takeout in a hospital cafeteria with. These are the people that keep you grounded. Call you out if you need it. They remind you of who you are.
4) Running. I am adding this one because I need to get back to it. I have not been able to do this lately and I am bummed. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this would also help me to sync.
Well these are the things that have helped me lately. Of course this time of year is also a great way to put yourself in check...and sync. Bring your focus back to what is important in life.
What helps you to get back in "sync" when life sends you in a tailspin?
Have you ever felt out of sync with life? Lately I have felt very out of sync. I have actually started this post a couple of times. Maybe I am just too out of sync to finish it. haha! Things have just felt "off". I have noticed though that there are a few things that have been able to help, and I feel like I have been able to start "syncing" again.
Here are the things I need to do before I eject my ipod. ;)
1) Worship. I can't say church, because I work there. (Don't mean that ugly...I just mean that sometimes I need to re-sync by being fed.) I mean worship on Sunday morning. I love to sing...I stink at it...but I do love it. It is my favorite part of worship service. I jokingly asked some friends I was sitting with today if the speakers were good in the area we were sitting. I needed to know if it was going to be loud enough for me to sing and make a joyful "noise" and be drowned out by the speaker. haha! I love the faster paced, clap your hands, get swept away type of music. Worship for me is a time when I feel closest to God. I am not super eloquent so to have someone write a beautiful song that says what I am feeling, touches me. I also love the lesson part of worship. I almost always feel like I learn something. I am not a passive listener...I am a note taker. When I am being disciplined, I use my notes during the week for devotional time. I like to use all of the scripture references, etc. This can also include prayer time. Pastor asked us just today to get on our knees and pray at the end of service. I have to say that is the most humbling position for me.
2) Family. When I spend time with my hubby and the girls...you know on the good days...it is definitely good medicine for me. haha! You know those days I am talking about, the kids aren't arguing over who gets to sit up front or who has to walk the dog, beds are made, rooms are clean, and we don't have anything to do that we don't want to do. Hubby is off work and we just goof off together. It seems that those days are so rare around here though. :( We have almost let life get too crazy in our family. However...there are steps in progress to remedy that. I'll save that for another day. Anyway, time with the 3 most important people in my life is always priceless.
I wish I could say that I have been able to spend time with the rest of my family too. They all live way too far away for my liking. A phone call or a text from one of them is priceless.
3) Friends. Time spent with people that love you for you...you just can't replace that. You know those friends that you can text random lyrics to...and they totally get it. Maybe take them a meal or they bring you one. Unexpected lunch on a random Tuesday. (Again with good music.) You can text or call at anytime and they are there to help with every ridiculous question you have. (Baking, vitamins, you name it) Camp with! Party with! (Not clubbing. Good clean fun party.) Eat takeout in a hospital cafeteria with. These are the people that keep you grounded. Call you out if you need it. They remind you of who you are.
4) Running. I am adding this one because I need to get back to it. I have not been able to do this lately and I am bummed. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this would also help me to sync.
Well these are the things that have helped me lately. Of course this time of year is also a great way to put yourself in check...and sync. Bring your focus back to what is important in life.
What helps you to get back in "sync" when life sends you in a tailspin?
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